It's always good to look back over journal entries or notes you write about your life to compare where you were when you wrote the note versus how far you've come from that point. To have some sort of marker to measure your progress. Recently, I came across an article I wrote in February of this year called Are You Anxious About Anything? I wrote the article on a day when I was filled with angst about a job opportunity for my husband. I felt like I was at the end of my waiting, kind of feeling tired, and scared to hope for the best outcome because I didn't want to be disappointed--again. We experienced so much rejection leading up to that point, secretly I wondered if this time would be any different.
Fast forward to today, Ryan is finishing his training with his new department at the end of this week. He takes over his own cruiser on Thursday. But in February, just seven months ago, I couldn't have predicted the outcome of his interviews. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was experiencing such hard times with him. I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted God to do for us. My picture didn't include the many nights fighting the worry over how we would feed our boys, pay our mortgage, make sure the lights stayed on, or how we would reduce the tension between us. Sometimes I questioned my faith, wondering if God really saw what was happening to us.
We don't always feel God's love for us when our circumstances seem bigger than life. We may feel like He's too busy to intervene or wonder how long our situation will last. It may be very painful and may at times feel quite lonely while we are experiencing such hard times. That's what I felt when Ryan struggled to find work. It was tough. I'm thankful to God for His faithfulness. For His compassion towards me and for His thoughts and plans towards me, which are always good (Jeremiah 29:11, New International Version). I'm also thankful that even though I wavered at times, God never abandoned me.
Nevertheless, I cried a lot during that time. I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. I didn't let go of my hope and I didn't stop bugging Him for answers. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night just to pray. I went in and out of sleep praying. I would reach over to Ryan while he slept to put my hands on him, and pray. From my perspective, my prayers weren't for God's benefit, just in case He needed a reminder that I was still struggling. I didn't pray to keep His attention just in case His schedule was too busy or He forgot about me. I wasn't reminding Him of anything new in my circumstances; He knew it all anyway. My prayers were for my own benefit. The action of my prayers gave me peace and settled my soul. Deep inside, I knew He was listening.
I also stayed close to good friends for support. I wonder how many of my friends watched their caller IDs just to avoid my calls. I say that in jest, but if you were one of those friends, you know what I mean. I called constantly for support and encouragement. I needed fresh perspective. I needed someone to speak God's word and His promises over me. I needed those sweet friends to pray for me. To tell me everything was OK. They put their arms around our family and blessed us beyond measure.
Those actions, my prayers and the support from my friends, helped me to stay focused on the goodness of God even though I was hurting. Still it took time for us to finally see God's hand move in our circumstances. Today, Ryan is living his dream, and I am so proud of him.
I started out saying that it is good for us to have some marker to measure our progress. When I read my words found in my "anxiousness" article, I enjoyed a warm feeling in my heart because my husband wasn't struggling any more. However, I also realized that in part, the hard time we went through made our marriage and my faith stronger.
If I knew how this whole thing was going to turn out at the beginning of our journey, I wonder how much my faith would have grown. No body wants to experience hard times, but I learned so much through my own. That struggle brought my family closer together. Made me look harder for God when I was down. Gave me strength in odd ways to keep moving forward because I had great hope in God's rescue.
My prayer for you today is that you see God's hand in your situation. May His love shine through in tangible ways for you today. And may you always experience the love and support of those He's planted in your life.
In His Love,
Dori
Fast forward to today, Ryan is finishing his training with his new department at the end of this week. He takes over his own cruiser on Thursday. But in February, just seven months ago, I couldn't have predicted the outcome of his interviews. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was experiencing such hard times with him. I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted God to do for us. My picture didn't include the many nights fighting the worry over how we would feed our boys, pay our mortgage, make sure the lights stayed on, or how we would reduce the tension between us. Sometimes I questioned my faith, wondering if God really saw what was happening to us.
Nevertheless, I cried a lot during that time. I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. I didn't let go of my hope and I didn't stop bugging Him for answers. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night just to pray. I went in and out of sleep praying. I would reach over to Ryan while he slept to put my hands on him, and pray. From my perspective, my prayers weren't for God's benefit, just in case He needed a reminder that I was still struggling. I didn't pray to keep His attention just in case His schedule was too busy or He forgot about me. I wasn't reminding Him of anything new in my circumstances; He knew it all anyway. My prayers were for my own benefit. The action of my prayers gave me peace and settled my soul. Deep inside, I knew He was listening.
I also stayed close to good friends for support. I wonder how many of my friends watched their caller IDs just to avoid my calls. I say that in jest, but if you were one of those friends, you know what I mean. I called constantly for support and encouragement. I needed fresh perspective. I needed someone to speak God's word and His promises over me. I needed those sweet friends to pray for me. To tell me everything was OK. They put their arms around our family and blessed us beyond measure.
I started out saying that it is good for us to have some marker to measure our progress. When I read my words found in my "anxiousness" article, I enjoyed a warm feeling in my heart because my husband wasn't struggling any more. However, I also realized that in part, the hard time we went through made our marriage and my faith stronger.
If I knew how this whole thing was going to turn out at the beginning of our journey, I wonder how much my faith would have grown. No body wants to experience hard times, but I learned so much through my own. That struggle brought my family closer together. Made me look harder for God when I was down. Gave me strength in odd ways to keep moving forward because I had great hope in God's rescue.
My prayer for you today is that you see God's hand in your situation. May His love shine through in tangible ways for you today. And may you always experience the love and support of those He's planted in your life.
In His Love,
Dori
